M14 Forum

Vermin

Howdy Everyone. I went to a free clinic here in town. I am currently taking several meds for My PTSD. While I feel much better, couch time was limited. ( I could use more ) My meds are free!!!!!! I am currently in the process of moving back to Texas. I will persue more help there. Overall I am in pretty good shape. I dont have a lot of patence with certain types of People. Hey that was normal back when.
Thank You Everyone for Your advise and Help. It was greatly appreciated. God Bless each and Everyone of You.
Vermin

Wayne M

Take care of yourself, Vermin. Check in often and let us know how you're getting along.

davecampperry

When you get to TX, be sure to check in at the nearest VA Medical Center. North Texas has probably the best VA system in the world. if you are too far from a facility, you will be assigned to a private physician. Definitely a first class state VA wise. Keep in touch

Incirlik

Vermin,
I'm in Houston. If you settle here or get down this way, LMK. Chin up Brother.

JAILDOG

Vermin, good luck in Texas and drop in and let us get the scoop. Bless and prayers

hammonje

My dad had PTSD after Vietnam for quite some time. He experienced bouts of depression mixed in with fits of incredible rage. Getting involved in the church really made a difference for him. I'm not advocating this route mind you, but surrounding yourself within a good, supportive network with positive folks seemed to help him a lot.

We have just recently spoke about these issues as he is getting quite old and when I was young we never discussed the reasons for his behavoir. Reliving the war zone and their return to the world with other vets in group therapy made him feel comforted, but prolonged his illness. He thought the best therapy was to immerse himslef in friendship and do things that made him feel as far away from the war zone as possible.

Good luck and god bless you. Everyone is behind you!!!!!!

CHARLIED308

Vermin,

I am glad to hear you are seeking help with PTSD. Like others have suggested, contact the VA ASAP when you get to your new location. Try to get into a group of peers who experienced the same things that you experienced when the VA doctors think you are ready. It is not a pity party; it is a setting where a group of veterans can share experiences with one another and there is nothing at all wrong with that. It's your decision though.

Your brothers in arms are glad that you are alive and want you to live a long and happy life. Thank you for your service to our country.

Godspeed,

Charlie Delta

RAMMAC

Good luck and I second the comment that God helps. My faith has helped me keep focused. I have learned to keep reminding myself that after I have done everything I can to resolve a problem I need to let it go and let God control it.

The medication helps keep you on an even keel and at least I can recognize when I'm getting too energetic for the people around me. My doc told me that, in his opinion, these stress related issues are caused by us having been in high tempo situations longer than was good for our physiology. We have become adrenaline junkies. From my perspective it was a necessary survival instinct so that I could react quickly, now I'm told that it is unacceptable behavior.

Unfortunately I still enjoy the rush but the backlash from those around me is what causes me problems. I never realized how much crap my family had to put up with from me when I was in a rage. I recognize that I have to keep a wall between everyone except my close family members because they understand my reactions and can redirect my focus when I get too excited. If I get too familiar with others then I tend to expose my anxiety and my energetic actions scare the dickens out of most people. Heck, I even have issues with how people interpret what I say on this web site because of how I think. I get accused of being cold hearted and hard nosed, I guess I am but I'm tired of apologizing for how I think.

CHARLIED308

Don't apologize. People around you probably will never understand. You can't change them and trying to make them understand will give you ulcers. They will be glad as hell you are around when something really bad happens, because you will go on auto-pilot and properly deal with the situation. I believe your job as a warrior is to stand ready to protect the sheep(le) in the later part of your life.

I had to learn to not say what I thought and to tone down after I became part of the herd (a civilian). I count to three before I say anything and it has save me alot of heartache. After 25+ years, I am almost fit to be around human beings.

I believe the toughest part of being a warrior is adjusting to no longer being an active warrior and traveling for Uncle Sam. That doesn't mean you have to stand down and get fat and lazy. Being alert is alright, just don't expect those around you to think the same way. Sand Crabs don't think like we do and it can sometimes be tough to accept that.

Be grateful for sleeping indoors, sleeping more than 20 minutes at a time, having flush toilets, clean drinking water and eating food without bugs in it. The rest of life is just details.

Godspeed RAMMAC,

Charlie Delta

RAMMAC

25+ years? Well I'm half way there. Thanks for the words.

Vermin

Hi Guys, Thanks for Your words of encourgement. They do help. I was not able to return to Texas. It saddens Me, but I'll deal with it. My current employer did make an offer I couldnt refuse, if I stayed employed with Them.
Christmas is a hard time for Me. It has been for Me since 1989.
I spent it alone last year. I have learned to either keep My mouth shut, or just to avoid People all together.
Most People just dont understand what its like. I have a Co-worker that helps Me alot. She suffers as well. She had a very abusive ex-husband. We talk, compare notes, and I can relax around Her. Fortunatly I know Her Husband very well also.
Most of the time I just want to run away from people.
I have been very edgy, jumpy and close to anger. I went to see My Doc (ex-Navy), and He increased My meds. Well that helped.
I still will not go to the VA here, dont trust them.
This Christmas, I will spend Christmas with My Grandkids. I spent alot of money on Them. I cannot wait to see them open up Thier gifts!!! I am so looking forward to it. Since I always cook Dinner, the Girls have all asked to Be My Cook asst. So It will Be a Great day.
I have been Looking for a Church where I feel Comfortable. I do believe in God, and I talk with Him daily.

CHARLIED308

Vermin,

It's the small things in life, like a childs laughter or to see someone smile that are important.

Godspeed,

Charlie Delta

JAILDOG

Vermin, being with friends and family goes a long way to helping with the dealing. Take joy in it. God speed on a full recovery from this.

M21guy

PTSD is something I also deal with. The VA is awesome here for me. Can't say enough good things about them. They rated me at 50% service connected which surprised me when it was worse to them than I'd admit to it being. I know from my own experience just how dominating this can be. I went on for 14 years with trying to hide my inner feelings and thoughts. Often leading up to fits of rage and serious depression. It's extremely exhausting not knowing why it is you act and feel the way you do. It has cost me dearly to losing friends, jobs, careers. Knowing is truly half the battle. For me it was a revelation sort of speak. Before knowing I'd sit in a dark room all alone for days sometimes wondering why I was the way I was, why I felt the way I did, why no one understood me, why people went out of their way to make me think about alternate ways of dealing with them. Some of my thoughts really were terrifying. Not knowing from day to day if I could maintain sanity and not letting anyone in because I couldn't trust them was killing me. Honestly I didn't know how I got by. Sometimes I really wanted to lay waste to everything and everybody and other times I was in tears over nothing. I know all too well what it means to have PTSD.
So hang in there your really not as alone as you might often feel. I meet many like us. None of us are not all that different. We might have different stories sure, but the effects are not so different. Talking about it is the most difficult thing to do, but trying to separate the memory and emotions of that memory then trying to bury them both doesn't work. You need to basically go against every fiber of your being with a little faith and a little trust. I know that might seem near impossible, but your already so close. Give it a little and it will give to you more in return until your whole again little by little.
Today I feel pretty good. Sure a heck of a lot better than I was only a year ago. Things got better. That you must believe will happen for you. I believe it will for you. Surround yourself with good people with good positive attitudes and all that good, it's contagious. You will feel better I promise you if you allow it to happen. I'm rooting for you...

Chris

On your issues about guns. I know where your coming from. I asked straight up in session one day if I'd loose them. The answer to me was not if I wasn't a danger to myself or others. Which I never was really, but I still kept a few things from them just in case. So far so good. I fell good, but I'm not stupid. lol The help has given me a new lease on life seriously and that is what really matters. It's nice to wake up in the morning feeling ok it's a new day and ready for what life brings me. I see plenty of guys driving up out of socialist IL going here. I don't know why really, but might be an option?

CPTKILLER

Denial is not a river in Egypt but I was in denial about my PTSD from Vietnam. Real Men don't have problems. In retrospect I did and went through marriages, jobs, and moved around a lot as a engineer. PTSD is a tough problem that worsens without treatment. I'm just getting it now after being an Infantry Company platoon leader and company commander in Vietnam. I'm working with the VA on this with some success. The VA has as much experience as anyone.

My recommendation for anyone with PTSD, get treatment quickly and develop a program for your life. You'll thank yourself years later (and so will your family). In my case, I waited much too long. The other part is that everyone is unique and a solution for one person is not for another.